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Relevant Rhino Spearing —-» Ripping Off Ben Cohen, Part II

null Today we are Featuring our friend The Relevant Rhino” cause he’s a Mean Righteous Blogger. everytime I spin by his blog, I know it’s gonna be full catchup, with lots of strong mustard. no kidding from this kid. he skewers the right from the left, right, top and bottom. for the record, he does not use ky – so it’s not pretty.

I love how he calls Romney “Mittens” and the dicks; The Dicks – and this is my alltime favorite – “Turdblossom” OOOHHHOOO. This guy makes my heart go pitter patter. You Kick it Rhino Baby, Give the people wha dem want. Mama Cedes the Floor to the Man from the Right – The Relevant Rhino.

obtw, go by the site and read the first part which is absolutely essential. don’t forget to leave a juicy comment and sign up for the rss feed – the rhino will thank you himself.

AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGG,

» Ripping Off Ben Cohen, Part II: The GOP List therelevantrhino

Ripping Off Ben Cohen, Part II: The GOP List

As promised, here is the second installment of me unapologetically ripping off Ben Cohen. In keeping with the spirit of my first post, I’ll try not to repeat names. This one should be a bit easier, but I’ll show you what I’m up against. Cohen’s list included: William Kristol, Bill-O T.Troll, Sean Manatee, Michelle Malkin, Rapture Ready Bible Spice, Dicks Morris and Cheney, Mittens Romney, Alan Greenspan, and Dubya.

So how am I going to find ten GOPers with those taken? I guess you’ll just have to continue reading Rhino’s Completely Original List Of Ten Republicans That Need To Be Packaged Without Bubble Wrap And Shipped Without Insurance Via UPS To Darfur™

Karl Rove Ah, yes, Turdblossom. The man behind King George. The heaping sack of shit that outed Valerie Plame. The genius that thought that after 2004 there would be a “permanent Republican majority”. Guess what, Rover? The divide and conquer strategy won’t work for decades now, and it’s all your fucking fault. You succeeded in turning this country into one long political campaign, and in doing so exposed every weakness and flaw in the Republican Party. You are directly responsible for a 110 seat Democratic swing in the House, and bare minimum 18 seat Democratic swing in the Senate. Dude, you suuuuuuuuuuck…

Michele Bachmann (R-MN) Any Democrats fed up with Idaho are hereby invited to move into Minnesota’s 6th District and vote this bat-shit crazy, Jesus-humping, rights restricting, wide-eyed fucking wingnut the hell out of office. From spying on a gay rights protest, to claiming that global warming is a hoax, to calling for a revival of the House Un-American Activities Committee, this freak of fucking nature has probably done more to get people involved in politics than nearly anyone else. Two more years, bitch…two more years.

Paul Wolfowitz One of the members of both AEI and The Project For A New American Century, and one of the “masterminds” of the Iraq debacle. Wolfie fucked up his post heading up World Bank, then decided to try his hand at warmongering. Back in ‘03, he admitted knowing the run-up to the war was a house of fucking cards built on lies, and clearly cared as much for that as Don Imus does the Rutgers Women’s Basketball Team.

Eric Cantor (R-VA) Sniveling, whiny, arrogant, and prickish. Anti-choice, anti-rights, anti-civil liberties, clueless to the ways of government, and just flat the fuck out douchey looking, Cantor has become one of the most reliable voices for the conservative movement. By blaming every problem he can on “teh lib-ruls” without realizing that, more often than not, his party was right there the whole time (usually in the majority), he proves that you don’t need brains to get elected. No, you simply need to scare the shit out of your undereducated constituency.

Chuck Norris Chuck, put the fucking cowboy hat back on and ride off into the god damn sunset. I know, it’s probably nice to have Joe Scarborough give you a rim job in real time, and the fact that Pat Buchanan is holding his head seems all the more exciting, but it’s just unbearable. Every time I see your know-nothing ass on TV, a loop plays in my head of you getting the shit beat outta you by Bruce Lee. Over and over. I don’t hear your hackneyed talking points; I don’t hear your ill-informed vitriol. The only thing I hear is, “Waa-taaaaaah!”

Elisabeth Hasselbeck You’re a loser. Your husband is a loser. You deserve fame the way cancer deserves a good rep. It’s not that you couldn’t have an opinion unless Matt Drudge gave one to you, or that your talking points make the same hollow sound as that pea-sized brain rattling around in your head. Nor is it those vacuous, soulless eyes. It’s that you’re fucking dumb enough to believe what you’re saying. And that is dangerous. Please, for the love of the god you believe in, go home (for good), and ask your husband how it’s remotely possible to be the only quarterback in the NFL ever to receive a zero passer rating.

Alberto Gonzales How do I loathe thee? “I do not recall”. From inside the Justice Dept., you did more to obfuscate and circumvent the rule of law than nearly anyone else in the Bush White House. I’m not sure if it’s possible to file perjury charges every time you open that sneering fucking maw, but I do know a couple of lawyers that would be willing to give it a shot. You turned the Justice Department into an exercise not of political loyalties, but loyalties exclusive to George Bush. You’re a fucking criminal, and deserve to be perp-walked from Austin to D.C.- on camera.

Steve Schmidt “Kingmaker”? How about massive, boorish, inept fucking loser… No one bothered to tell this jackass that it wasn’t 2003 anymore, and that because of the dirty tricks he played to get Dubya elected, the world had changed- America had changed, and we weren’t going to fall for the same underhanded, divisive, self-mocking, bullshit scams that worked so well for him in ‘02-’04. Steve “Call Me Luthor” Schmidt deserves a special place in hell for being one of the “vetters” of Rapture Ready Bible Spice. Sure, give us the dumb as a post wingnut with the scandals, that’ll be great for democracy…giant, bald, assferret.

Leslie Sanchez CNN “political analyst” and windbag extraordinaire, Ms. Sanchez spent an entire election season repeating the same tired, debunked lies not only about Barack Obama, but any Democrat in any race. She’s a hate-filled troll in an anorexic’s body, with the same hollow, black eyes as nearly every other GOPundit on TV. The words “civil discourse” seem to get tossed right out the window every time this hag gets a bit of camera time. Your non-analysis, your constant misrepresentation of the facts, and your abhorrence to the truth should be cause to have you standing in a bread line, waiting on an unemployment check with 2 million other Americans.

Mitch McConnell(R-KY) I don’t usually say things like, “this withered piece of shit looks like a pedophile”, or, “seeing this fucktard’s face photoshopped onto the members of the Village People was the funniest thing I saw in a month”, so I’m not going to do that here. Mitch has said that in an Obama Administration, his job will be to use the filibuster as a matter of course regardless of the legislation. That is fucking treason. Mitch, if you’re going to be an obstructionist, I recommend you start by plugging the hole in John McCain’s ass now that Joe LIEberman isn’t up it anymore.

dh4bo